


can i come back?

by neogotmyheart



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, F/M, Heavy Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-03
Updated: 2018-09-03
Packaged: 2019-07-06 10:26:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15884169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neogotmyheart/pseuds/neogotmyheart
Summary: You and Taeyong broke up a year ago. What would you do when he decides to come back?





	can i come back?

**Author's Note:**

> okay wow so this is my first attempt at angst and my first one shot so i hope you all enjoy!

You and Taeyong had been broken up for about a year now. When he first left, you had been in shambles. The entire thing was unexpected and left for little closure. All that was left for you was a note saying I’m sorry. You had been unable to reach him on any platform and his friends rejected your calls. He left you alone and scared and confused.

After months of trying to overcome the heartbreak, you met someone. He was kind, patient, and reassured you in hard times. He never expected you to just be over the situation immediately and you respected that. He also had no idea who your ex boyfriend was. During the year that you and Taeyong were apart, he had been on tour and done two rounds of promotions. It had become routine for you and your new boyfriend to watch music shows together every night, seeing as he was interested in becoming a producer. 

Each time Taeyong would come on screen, you would have to fight back tears and ignore the gnawing in your stomach. It was painful to watch from behind a screen when you used to be able to watch secretly from backstage. You couldn’t voice your feelings, however because this had become a step to living a life that was semi normal. He was an idol and you were bound to see him and his work everywhere. He unfortunately wasn’t someone that you could pretend didn’t exist.

You found yourself making dinner for you and your boyfriend on a regular evening. You were expecting him any minute now and were actually excited to be able to sit down and talk to him. Hearing a knock, you make your way over to the door, confused as to why he isn’t just coming in.

“Hey, dinner’s almost ready.” You open the door and looked up. Your heart fell. Taeyong was standing in front of you, head hung, eyes red.

“Can I come in, please?” The boy that you hadn’t seen in a year was now pleading with you.

Your self control slipped. You instinctively nodded, though you quickly regretted it as he began to drink in the familiar room. Your boyfriend’s jacket was laid haphazardly over the chair that Taeyong would always sit in. When Taeyong’s eyes found it, he visibly winced, turning to sit on the couch instead. You moved beside him, attempting to leave as much space as possible between the the two of you.

“Why are you here?” You asked, voice cracking. You hated that he probably heard it, vulnerability now hard to hide.

He leaned forward, elbows resting on his knees. “I haven’t really slept since I left. It keeps eating away at me and I know-”

You couldn’t help but to interrupt him. “It’s been a year, Taeyong.”

“I know it’s been a year. And from the looks of your apartment, it looks like you’ve forgotten about me.” This was obviously painful for the both of you. Half of his belongings use to be here. It had become very much a shared space for the two of you. It felt like your home. The morning he left, you awoke to an apartment that felt empty with all of his stuff gone. Shortly after was when you found a note on your kitchen counter.

“I haven’t forgotten about you.” There was an implied  _ unfortunately _ that hung in the air.

He took a deep breath, presumably to help keep his voice steady. “I’m sorry. I should have never left like I did. The note? The blocking you? It was wrong. I know it was. I was so scared that if I didn’t do it that way, I would have let you talk me out of my decision.” 

“I didn’t even know why you left. All your note said was that you couldn’t do it anymore. That’s not an explanation.” Your hurt was now bordering with frustration. He left with no stated reason and now he still wasn’t providing one.

“I know.”

“Then why did you do it. Why did you leave me?” You were practically begging for an answer at this point.

“Because I wasn’t going to be able to be here for you like I used to. Management cracked down on our schedules. I barely even have enough time to eat most days. How would I have been able to take care of you when, right now, I can’t take care of myself.” 

The two of you had spent a lot of time together. Any time he has away from practice was spent with you. You would eat cheap takeout on the floor and he would tell stories about his members. You would talk about your day and then just spend the rest of the time in his presence. It was always comfortable with him, never forced. If you needed anything, Taeyong would be there immediately. To think that now he barely even had time to keep himself fed was worrisome to you. You tried to bottle up your concern. You didn’t know where this conversation was going and you wanted to avoid mix signals the best you could.

“Why didn’t you tell me that.” You knew you would have understood. This was his passion and you wanted to support him through that. You thought that you had proven you could be patient with him because of his career.

“You would have waited for me. I know you would have. I didn’t know when I would have been able to be what you deserve.”

HIs response spurred confusion. “Then why are you here right now?”   
“I want to fix it.” It was so honest that it hurt.   
“Taeyong, you can’t fix this…” Tears began to escape.   
“Yes, I can. Just let me try. Try us one more time, please.”

“You can’t just leave and expect me to take you back whenever you please. I’m seeing someone now.” You felt tears begin to streak down your cheek. You couldn’t hurt the person that had helped you so much, even if your feelings for him were remarkably dull compared to the way you felt for the boy on your couch.

“Someone that you’ve seen for what, six months?” A bitterness struck his tone.

You stayed quiet. It had only been four months since you started seeing each other. You had only really known him for a little over seven. You choked back even more tears.

“We were together for two years, y/n. You’re going to give it up for this? Were you that unhappy?” His voice had steadily grown louder. He was being transparent. He was hurt. He had regrets. He hated that you weren’t with him.

You felt the need to be honest. “I was happier than I’ve ever been.”

“Then why? Why can’t I come back. Why can’t we do this again? I can make you that happy again.”

You thought of your boyfriend helping you through this past year. You weren’t unhappy with him. You were unhappy because Taeyong had left you. You hoped maybe you could be that happy again someday. “Because you left, Taeyong. He never did. I know it hasn’t been long, but I have given him every reason to leave and he hasn’t. I pushed him away. I begged him to find someone better and he chose me over everything.”

“You know I couldn’t have done that.” His job didn’t allow for him to prioritize you. You knew that when you started dating him. 

“I’m not asking you to. What I’m saying is that you left because of a schedule. What’s going to stop you from leaving again.” If something so small could end a two year relationship, why couldn’t it happen again?

“Because I love you, y/n. The past year has ripped me apart. I’m so unhappy with the way I left and being without you.”

“It’s not enough.” You shook your head, tears now steadily falling. You lost the energy to hold them back anymore.

“What isn’t enough?”

“Loving me. Love isn’t enough. It didn’t stop you from leaving last time. It didn’t stop you from waiting  _ a year _ to try and come back.”

“I didn’t wait a year. I tried to call you after a few months.” You remembered that call. You ignored it. Wounds still too fresh to try and have a conversation with him. You listened to the voicemail he left you over and over, unintentionally memorizing it. You could probably still recite his words back to him. He missed you and he messed up. He spent two minutes discussing all his wrong doings and how miserable he was. It sounded sincere. Because of such, you decided that if he called again, you would answer. The second call never came.   
“You tried once and gave up.” You could barely raise your voice above a whisper anymore.

He shook his head. The panic in his voice was growing. “Because I thought you didn’t want to talk to me.”

“I called you at least 10 times in the first week that you left even though I thought you didn’t want to talk to me. I can’t listen to your excuses anymore, Taeyong.” You let out a small sigh, “I’m sorry.”

“What do you want me to do?” His volume was now the same as yours, just loud enough for you to hear.

“I want you to leave.” You managed to deliver a flat tone despite your heart being ripped out of your chest. Was this really what you wanted to do? Memories of your time together flashed through your head. All the laughs, smiles, shared kisses and late mornings in bed. You forced yourself to turn away from him. 

Fear coursed through you when he didn’t move from the couch. You didn’t know how many more times you could reject him before giving in. You still loved him with everything you had. The possibility of having him in your life again was so tempting, but the trust was gone. The pain you felt right now was nothing compared to when he first left. You couldn’t risk going through that again. “It’ll never be like it was before.”

“I’m not giving up, y/n.” His voice broke. You turned to find that his expression matched your own. Regret in his eyes and tears streaming down his cheeks. You thought your heart couldn’t break any more, but Taeyong crying pushed you over the edge. A choked sob slipped out and you hated yourself for it.

“But I am giving up. Please just leave.” You turned away from him once again, burying your face in your hands. You heard the door open and looked up to find your boyfriend setting his stuff by the door. 

“Hey, babe. Dinner smells good.” It was only then that you felt Taeyong stand up from the couch. “Hey, I recognize you from somewhere.”

“Yeah, I bet you do.” Taeyong walked out the door, slamming it behind him. 

You felt yourself completely give into the pain, sobs finally being set free. You felt alone, despite the fact that your boyfriend was now pulling you into his arms. 

This time it was you that made the mistake.

**Author's Note:**

> taeyong i'm so sorry :((((( this hurt me to write ahaha but here it is!!!!! i'll go back to writing fluff now
> 
> tumblr: lovingyong


End file.
